patut tak?

aku tak tahu lah if ini memang trend zaman sekarang ke, memang satu malaysia buat ke, memang penyakit ke, memang aku ketinggalan siapa suruh blajaq jauh balik malaysia pls buat jugak ke, tapi, aku still tak paham, kenapa pergi kubur, boleh pose2 kat batu nisan, senyum2, suruh satu keluarga pose sama2, upload gmbaq kat facebook atau blog atau mana2 medium komunikasi yang ada di medan internet.

aku rasa pelik gila.
orang pergi kubur, sebab nak ziarah, sebab nak sedekah al-fatihah, nak sedekah yassin, nak mengingatkan diri sendiri tentang mati.

awak pergi kubur sebab nak pose sambil senyum2 sebab nak letak kat blog awak? kat facebook awak?

ye la itu aktiviti raya awak, can you skip the part where you pose sambil menggedik atas kubur orang?

cuba awak bagi saya sebab.
kenapa ye? ye la, memang la kita tak boleh wail, tak boleh mengagau macam orang gila bila melawat kubur, tapi tak elok jugak lah kot tiba2 boleh pose sambil bertenggek atas batu nisan orang.

orang kata, pose MAUT.
memang MAUT habis.

10 things

1. abah is now on facebook. when i first read the notification email about his friend request, i freaked out, but then, ah he's my dad. it's not like he's some kind of psycho ka apa ka. anak sendiri kot.

2. i miss tompok, like hell miss gila2 every minute i want to talk about her.

3. i need to stop purchasing songs from itunes for God's sake. one song costs around $1.69. one song a day, die la.

4. packing up stuffs, i'm almost there. shipped 4boxes of harta this morning.

5. a few days to home. yeay!!!

6. i think i hurt someone. hurmmpphhh. tu la mard, cakap tak fikir.

7. i don't know if it was totally my fault, but i think you have your share, but i would like to sincerely apologize if i had hurt you in any way at all. SORRY

8. my external hard disk is doing its magic, not working and all. i could not directly explore/open it. so i have to do a few maneuver, detour here and there, now i'm copying precious pictures to cd so i can re-format the disk.

9. rindu tompok.

10. rindu tompok, sangat-sangat

kasih sayang itu utk dikongsi

yea i know i was just being irrational and emotional and stuffs but i guess i'm just not that good with goodbyes.

i cried like a real bitch just now. the fact that i'm not gonna be able to snuggle her, not gonna be able to smell her, not gonna be able to hug her, not gonna be able to let her sleep on my chest anymore bothers.

part of me wants to rip her from all these loves that she is supposed to have staying here and be selfish, take her home, let her undertake all the risks so that i can be happy. but i know that's not gonna do any justice for her. neither for me.

so i chose to let her stay here. let her find new love.

goodbye sayang.

tompok, sydney, 2009.

(may one day my grand children found this blog post and wonder how amazing this cat was that she became the gem of their nana's heart, cherished her life when she was far from home, just by being the wonder cat)

to zulhadi and housemate, thank you. pls take good care of tompok.

ok ok ok ok random!

barang-barang nak shipping dah siap pack. harapan ku semoga barang2 ni tak la lebih 100kg. i tadak duit nyah. call org gomen nak mintak elaun diorg macam tanak angkat. raya tak abes lagi ke bang?

banyak lagi perkara belom settle, which include bank, telefon and shipping of course. duit duit, dimana kau duit.

bila baca hawa cakap dia tershipping passport dia (blitzkrieg yea? dush dush) rasa macam kelam kabut macam mana ni, mana i letak passport. tahun lepas dah gelabah carik passport sampai nangis2 nadia yang jumpa, now that nadia is already back in malaysia if tak jumpa tatau nak paksa siapa korekkan.

.........

ok cantik, passport ada dalam travel purse.
hawa, bertabahlah.

anyway,
baru tahu, one of the shoplifters, Shoplifter Tina, is actually my senior from school. baru tahu hari ni after all this while. chis. lambat la i ni.

yea, random right?

hmmmphhh.
sebenarnya tengah penat pikir barang mana nak buang, mana nak kasi orang, and mana nak simpan.

saje letak gmbaq bagi nampak lagi serabut

lagi berapa hari ja nak balik malaysia dah. dok tgh kemas bilik. merata2 harta aku. penuh. naik serabut. sekarang ni dah ada 3kotak barang. itu baru half. ada lagi half nak kena settle kan. i give up lah. i xsuka packing2 ni. i wish angah is here. dia goddess of mengemas.

corelle 5 sets.
tompok in the midst of the chaos. so i put her on the window pane. seronok dia dapat sekodeng bf rumah seberang jalan.
pokok rockmelon menjalar sekampung.
souvenirs dah penuh luggage.

macam mana?
i konpius.
tolonggggg

eid mubarak everybody!

selamat hari raya aidiladha.
utk anda dan keluarga.

hari raya i xberapa meriah. cuma i dapat main tictac dan kalahkan atikah in a strike. mungkin atikah slow selepas makan. i laju sebab baru lepas makan.

..........

aku nak give up boleh? penat cuba membaiki keadaan. bukan aku tak cuba. jangan salahkan aku lagi. aku dah penat jadi orang yang 'baik'. yang cuba approach. yang mengaku salah walhal aku tak salah. bukan nak defend diri sendiri, tapi aku rasa kau sangat childish. dan senang cakap la, kau memang tak tahu malu.

hmmm. tapi dalam khutbah pagi tadi, khatib cakap Rasulullah tu walaupun kena baling dengan taik, Baginda diam. orang kata, dignified and calm.

jadi, tak pelah, terus-terus lah buat taik kat aku.
aku tadahkan je.

sebab kau pernah jadi kawan baik aku.
dan walaupun aku telefon kau dari jauh, kau boleh buat-buat busy sedangkan kau tengah lepak dengan kawan-kawan je, dan macam lah aku tak kenal kawan-kawan kau jugak, tapi takpe, teruskan lah.

..........
sekali lagi, selamat hari raya aidiladha

kita baru nak berbaik-baik kan?

kita baking sama-sama. i buat chicken pie, you nak buat apple puff you. i masak untuk kawan-kawan i, u pon tolong i godek-godek kuali.

meriah kan you?

you tensi-tensi balik exam or before pergi exam, i tadah je you berleter ape pon. i tak kesah. sebab i pikir, baik buat-buat baik dengan you so if kita nak buat tentera menentang si tanah besar, i boleh recruit you masuk team i (hahahaha mmg tak ikhlas sangat berbaik-baik).

tapi sekarang i dah macam paranoid semula la dengan you.

semalam i ingat you tengah komen-komen pasal cerita Neighbours tu dengan Miza, bila i jenguk dari dapur, rupa-rupanya you cakap seorang diri.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
jerit hati kecil i. macam mana ni, may be you dah ketagih nak bercakap, sampai walaupun seorang diri, you tetap bercakap kuat-kuat macam bersembang dengan orang. i kat dapur tau. i tak respond pon you cakap apa, means you tau lah yang i tadak kat situ.

i takut dengan you.
pagi semalam, i baru balik rumah, you nak pergi exam, you sibuk nak cerita kalau u pass semua exam ni, kalau you dapat pass je, you nak kerja apa. i dah buat gaya nak naik tangga, eh tak tak, i dah ada kat tangga pun, you nak cerita lagi. kalau you takut masa depan gelap hanya boleh kerja cikai-cikai, tolonglah study, berhenti bercakap.

berhentilah ye?
i makin takut dengan you ni.
i nak keluar bilik pergi laundry tapi i dengar you bukak pintu bilik you pulak. i takut you ada kat bawah. senyap ye?

please keep quiet, our housemate from the mainland wants to study.
nanti dia hantar msg kat you, you nak ke? takut tak?